I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
