her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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