Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
