My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
