I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
