i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
