you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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