Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
