I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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