i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Randomize