Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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