Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
