Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
