Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just had sex on a roof
Randomize
