I didn't shave. On purpose
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
