They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
