Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I need to calm my uterus...
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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