Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
