Where is the hickey?
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize