I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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