Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
