sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
