Where did you get a picture of my penis
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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