Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
