Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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