Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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