just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
