I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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