I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
