I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
