Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
