I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
