You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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