I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
