goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
