guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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