I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
