Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
