Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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