So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
