like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
