i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
bring money and cleavage
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
