I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
