apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
