I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
