I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
