i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
