is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
