You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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