I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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