I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
