I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Everything about him screamed your future.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
