Already got asked if we're dating
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Randomize
