remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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