dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize