i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
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