I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
