I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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