i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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