That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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