its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
