His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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