just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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