Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
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