I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Nicole vs. Life
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
