We're like a lot better than the average bears
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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