so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
