We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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