then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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