just tell him i said nine months
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
