Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
