Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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