wrigley field is MILF paradise
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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