I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
