My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
so let's talk penis.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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