oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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